you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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