spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
