3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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