He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
