I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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