I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
