Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
