this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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