it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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