Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Randomize
