My nipple is on Facebook.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
