Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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