Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
