i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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