Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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