dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
