There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
