Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
