wanna go halves on a baby?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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