My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
