Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
