I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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