Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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