You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
