therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
