so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize