I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
