Can Purell be used as lube?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
