So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
