Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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