Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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