You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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