hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
