I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
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