no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
