No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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