Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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