The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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