if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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