I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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