It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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