I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
