Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize