I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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