Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
