Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
