her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
