this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Im part way to drunk.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
