VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
