omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
