Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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