you guys were way drunker than both of me
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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