Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
