what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
