so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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