We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
