I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
