my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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