I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
