I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
