Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
