I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
