at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
