just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She bit a glass in half.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
