He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
