Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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