I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
