Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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