I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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