I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
