Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
