are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
