I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
