11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
